Trusting My Instincts

The last week has been a tough one. As you could tell from my previous post, Kevin traveling took a toll on me. Not only that, Ethan had MANY tough nights in a row, causing me to miss out on my sleep. This did not help my mental state. 
When Kevin came home, I thought things would be better, but Ethan continued his routine of sleepless nights. He also developed awful gas, which kept waking him up every 10 minutes after we'd finally get him out. It was exhausting for all three of us.

I was a complete mess by the time Sunday rolled around, especially since I knew Kevin was leaving again early the next morning. Sunday night was one of Ethan's worst, because of the gas. After no sleep between three feedings, I decided my body was too exhausted to feed him again. I knew that had to break out the formula...I know, the dreaded "F" word. However, it filled Ethan up, and with the assistance of his swing, we were both able to get four hours of sleep in a row. It doesn't sound like much, but to this sleep deprived mom, it was GOLD!

I've had a case of the "Baby Blues", which I know is normal. With the raging hormones, sleep deprivation, stress of single parenthood, and my recovering body, I felt like I wasn't making the right decisions. I was completely confused as to what to do, and felt like I wasn't doing anything right for Ethan. My friends all told me to "follow my instincts", and "go with my gut", but I was so tired, I couldn't figure out what my gut was telling me to do...or maybe I just wasn't listening! 

The formula decision was a tough one for me. I was worried about what people would think of me for not exclusively breastfeeding my baby, and I also hate feeling like I'm failing at something. My gut was telling me that this would be best for Ethan, since it would fill his tummy so he (and I) could get longer stretches at night. (He kept falling asleep while feeding, so he wasn't eating his fill at night.) I was reassured when this worked. 

Our new plan is to formula feed before bedtime and once during his middle of the night feedings, and then breastfeed the for all daytime feedings. I really don't care what others think. This is what is best for my child and me, and that's what really matters.